This photo was taken on May 1st 2019. It was taken about an hour after I woke up from my surgery to remove my breast implants. Look how happy I was. I was already feeling better and I knew in that moment I would never look back.
Fast forward to today....and it's true, I haven't.
Breast Implant Illness is a real disease. Many women don't know about it because sadly, many suffer in silence. There are so many symptoms of this disease and women aren't making the connection between Breast Implant Illness (BII) and what they are going through.
Here is my story.
I was perfect just as I was. Thing is, I didn’t know it yet.
I had breast implant surgery in late 2016. Leading up to this surgery I told myself so many things to convince myself that implants were safe. Things like ‘if they weren’t safe, they wouldn’t be allowed’, and ‘I do so much good stuff for my body, this one bad thing won’t matter’. I had no idea what was in store for me.
Before I continue, let me just say this, I do not regret a single thing. I fully accept the choices I made. I am completely grateful for the most amazing lessons. I am so blessed to be able to share this story with you now because I know it will inspire at least one of you to make better choices.
I had never heard of BII. Even after I started to experience symptoms, I had not made the connection between how I was feeling and my breast implants [or maybe I had but was in complete denial?]. It wasn’t until one day when I saw a post on Facebook about BII that I started really thinking about the silicon in my chest and what it was doing to my health. When the student is ready, the master will appear, right? So of course, all the right people that I needed to help me started showing up in my life.
I met this really beautiful lady in Bali who told me about her planned explant surgery. I wanted so much to ‘pick her brain’ but I was so embarrassed to admit that I had implants. That is until I decided to tell her the advice was for “someone else”, not me. It took me a week to come clean. I don’t think she will ever really understand what she did for me. She threw me a rope when I was stuck in a really deep, dark hole. Thank you Sara, you will always have a special place in my heart.
In the following weeks, I joined lots of Facebook groups and had lots of conversations with beautiful people who either had their explants booked or already had surgery behind them. I started reaching out to anyone who had experience with BII. And then one day, I made my appointment. 1st of May 2019 was it.
At the time, I had never felt more defeated or scared about my health. I was waking up in the middle of the night with nerve pain running down both arms. I was having sharp chest pain. I had the worst brain fog, I was struggling to even maintain basic conversations with people because I just couldn’t concentrate. The hardest thing for me was that my memory was becoming increasingly impaired. I had to start writing every little thing down because from one moment to the next, I would forget.
My anxiety was through the roof and I was behaving irrationally. I remember this one particular day being so paralyzed whilst standing in the foyer of my building. I was literally losing my breath. I had no idea why. I was on the phone to my friend crying about the damage to my lymph system. I couldn’t get a grip. In that moment, I had no idea how I was going to make it to my surgery. They were the darkest days of my life.
On the day of the surgery my partner and son came with me to the hospital. As my name was called, I said goodbye to them both and walked through the glass doors. As soon as my head was turned, I broke down. I just couldn’t catch my breath. I sobbed so much. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. I wasn’t scared of the surgery, I guess I was just so sad for myself.
So, the surgery went well and in true 'Di style', 1 week later I was already fasting and on my way to healing my body. I spent 8 months doing various detoxification protocols, extensive water and juice fasting and eating all the right nourishing foods to restore my body. Healing the physical stuff was easy. It’s the emotional stuff that always gets me every time, and that’s the part I had never worked on before.
Who knew you weren’t meant to kick yourself when you are already down? Or who knew you’re supposed to have kind words to tell yourself when you are having a bad day? Or even be able to look in the mirror and smile at the person who looks back at you? Who knew that compassion and love start at home, and if you can’t have those things for yourself, you won’t be able to have them for others, either. Not me.
Last year was my hardest year on this planet. I spent the entire time emotionally purging. I spent more time crying than smiling, but I had finally given myself permission to just let it all go. All that anger, all that sadness, all those self-sabotaging thoughts that were not serving me, I let it all go. I worked with many different people to help me do this and I will always be forever grateful to each of them who held my hand through it all.
The minute you accept that you have created the reality you find yourself in right now, that is the minute you can take back your power and create a new reality for yourself.
Every woman reading this post, I wish for you to be able to look in the mirror and know your worth, just as you are. You are deserving of all the great things in life, all those things you wish for your best friends and for your kids, the self-love and acceptance, the happiness and fulfilment, the respect and pride, you deserve those things. If you can’t quite see how worthy you are, reach out so I can throw you a rope.
The past no longer matters. All that matters is from this very moment onwards. Make peace with your past. Forgive yourself for the choices you made that did not bring you the results you wanted. Make this very moment count.
Now repeat after me. I am powerful. I am beautiful. I am enough. I am perfect just as I am.
Sending you the courage you need to grab hold of that rope.
Here is my 1 hour recording presentation for anyone who is either considering breast implants or considering explant surgery.
Comments